哇。。很久没有来这里咯。。。因为考试忙到。。。虽然那时候很stress但是还是不要浪费时间写我的心情。。。

所以到了现在才来。。。虽然还有一科要读。。。但是那个比较少东西。。

昨天听到新闻。。。说没个月至少有5名读医科的学生患上精神问题。。。

其实我在还没有进这科的时候也是有想到。。我会不会变傻去的。。。

但是我也告诉过我爸如果我读不上我会停。。。虽然真正要开口的时候真的会很难。。。

但是我可以保证我自己一定不会是sot了出来

因为不值得。。。医科罢了嘛。。。为什么要为它而搞到自己酱。。。

而且。。。如果真的要sot之前。。。我会先出来。。。哈哈。。。

所以。。。我不会sot咯。。。只是偶尔压力太大就会来这里诉苦一下。。。或者哭下。。睡下就好了。。。

而且。。。要出medic你觉得那么容易咩。。。最难过的一关就是我家人这关。。。

而且。。。昨天。。。那两个白痴看了那个新闻。。。似户不会替我感到担心。。。

这些人。。。真的不知道要用什么形容他们。。。今天星洲头条咯。。。我觉得他们还是无动于衷。。。

真的要等到自己的儿子傻了才会觉得。。。ei。。。原来医生那么难。。可能还会觉得。。。都是我好玩咯。。。所以读不上

其实我真的很喜欢玩。。。而且。。我可以谈白说。。。医科系。。我这年。。。可以玩的只有在同学生日。。。得空下去吃东西的时候。。。

要出去好像都蛮少。。。所以sot的机率满高的咯。。。

我喜欢玩的。。。都不是我同系朋友所想要玩的。。。所以就算好玩。。。也只能chat。。。我不喜欢一直读书。。。但是医科就得这样。。。怎么办呢。。。

其实首先要向caryn grandbuddy道歉咯。。。

觉得你好像不耐烦了酱。。。

对不起啦。。。你的buddy收到一个酱的小buddy。。。

其实坦白说的。。。出不是件容易的事。。。需要做手续，要通过家人那关是最难的

所以。。。要出都等我fail了，被踢出来。。。应该比较能说服到他们吧

还有。。。choo和sze。。我死不去啦。。。不用“讨论”我。。呵呵

就如果有在担心我的朋友其实不用担心咯。。。

你这朋友死不去的啦，酱怕死的人。。。呵呵

就还会呆在这里咯。。

而且我自己也忘了我以前的名言。。。是你的就是你的。。。不是你的就不是你的。。。

你要怎样努力如果不是你的就得不到，反之如果你的命运是好的。。。一定能够达到目的。。。

最近跟我的死党兼老公-雄说了的话。。。让我不要那么执著。。。但是发神经还会发生啦，

但是应该会比较好吧。。。应该。。。

 

 

 

            First of all, before proceeding to the events that is leading to the stress, I would like to share the reason for me to enter medical school is because I have the dream to become a doctor, a just normal doctor that would help patients to run away suffer from sickness and so far I have never think of what specialist to become, because I think that a doctor can help patient not depends on how great is the doctor.

But the longer I stay in medical field the more I feel insecure. This is very contrast to my dream to become a doctor and this problem makes me feel uncomfortable which my friends defined this as stress. Recently, I went through few modules and especially during problem based learning (PBL) session, I feel more stressful when sometimes I do not know what did my PBL members are discussing.

Besides, for my previous secondary exams, proudly admitted that I have achieved good results. When I went through the few tests in medical first year, the results is almost disappointed me, and I feel very sad and unmotivated to continue my coming module.

I have tried many ways to solve the problem that I am facing. I listen to music when I felt stress during was reading, that will only reduce stress in very seemingly. I have my own blog to relieve my stress and writing out all the uncomfortable feeling. I ask my friends for opinion, but they are also not able to give an absolute solution, because the problem has to solve by my own. Sometimes I will feel really release when I chat with my friends, listening to music or blogging, but I do feel back the stress recurrently disturbing me.

Besides relieving the stress, the main solution for the stress is to solve the typical problem which is the difficulty in studying medicine. I have tried to ask my course mate when I fail to figure out and solve the questions that I do not know. I also ask solution from my seniors, and the experience that they had gained. I hope that I can learn something from their experience and find the most suitable solution for my problem.

After the first module formative test, my senior told me not to worry because I was still new in medical field. I have not adapted to the new environment here, but I try to work harder in the next module. I did improve in my second module which make me feel a bit comfort. Unfortunately, I am still facing the stress is coming to me again with the same problem, confusion and insoluble uncomforting. This is because again, I confuse when my friends are discussion something that I do not understand. This hints me that I have left out many things that I should know to face the test.

The question that disturbs me was “am I really suit in this field?” I have been asking myself this question for a long time, but I could not simply quit this field. Once I have heard that “a test is just a milestone to see how far have I gone through and still left how long to achieve the destination” I could not determine whether this statement really helps me to solve my problem or not but I have realize that the statement had motivated me that I should not too worry what results that I have got, as long as I did my best, as long as I can pass my degree, and as long as I can become a doctor, I will still climbing the milestone and walk to achieve the destination.

After all of this, I would still continue my pace towards the destination. I have learnt that as long as I do not fail my exam, although how painful when I fall down I would still have to reach to the destination as long as I still can walk toward it, and I will still try my best to achieve the dream that brought me here, and also the dream of my parents as my first motivation to come in the field.

这是我一个reflective writting，每个sem都要写，好像感想酱，但是有guide line，这次是stress management作为主题。。。我的doctor有comment我。。。其实他是看到我的问题还没有解决。。。但是在里面我也是写假的。。。我的问题解决不了。。

今天，是个蛮down的一天。。。

突然觉得自己好傻

不知道为什么有一个那么白痴的志愿。。。

“伟大”到连自己的开心都被夺走。。。

我的路一直都在被操控。。。为了别人而活。。。

现在才想到。。。自己要什么也很模糊。。。

今天，上了MES（medic里其中一个让我烦到绝顶的group discussion）

每次有这些group discussion，我都是哪个不知道在发生什么事情的人。。。

不是我没有准备。。。但是我准的往往都不是要的答案。。。

我已经去读了。。。但是为什么我找的东西都不是他们讨论的东西。。。

而且全部人都知道讨论这什么。。。可能你们会觉得我很kiasu。。。

但是我想说的是。。。如果我kiasu我就不用酱烦，因为我可以到处去借resouce，

问题是。。。我很stress觉得自己远远的抛在后面。。。就连马来婆也知道他们在讨论什么。。。

考试快到了。。。我才急到极点。。。

过了MES，我本来不想再读了。。。但是看到我朋友的notes，根本没有想

就看了看跑去对面街photostat，回来时差点miss了bus，

我真的在跑的时候。。。在想不知道酱辛苦是为了什么。。。

我已经没有mood了。。。真的是潜意识去做这些东西。。。

都不知道是因为兴趣而读还是为了责任而读。。。

别人小职员也是这样生活。。。也可以做到自己喜欢的东西。。。

为什么就为了别人的利益。。。走去选这个白痴的系。。。

一个夺走自己开心，也没有什么利益的志愿。。。

其实也有在想。。。如果刚才过马路的时候。。。就这样被撞死就一了百了。。。